Tuesday, May 20, 2008

It's Been Awhile...

Please be advised that this entry has expletives.

I used to be very temperamental person and my fuse was very short. At a moment's notice, I can transform from a mild mannered Uncle Chan to "You-don't-want-to-fuck-with-me" person. Hence, I was labeled as the PMS guy back in my early undergraduate days. Like they say, a person mellows with age but despite toning down considerably in my temper, I still had days when I blew up. My good friend Eugene Cheng can give testament to that. My temper even created discomfort amongst my close good of friends. All of that changed when my mum passed away in 3 March 2006. As I watched my mum drew her last breath, I knew life was too short... too short for me to be having so much anger and grudge against others. Soon after my mum's passing, I made it a point to apologize to all my friends. The first whom I seek apology from was Eugene. Thank God he forgave me and though we are not best of friends now, we are at least friends. From this experience, I have never blew my top nor did I hold any grudges against another person. It is also due to this experience, I have manage to handled rejections better. In fact, I have come to a point where rejections are not taken personally and it is only part and parcel of my line of work.

I have held steadfast to my belief that it is not worth getting angry or let anger control me until last Saturday... A series of events had happened for the past few years and I brushed them all aside because I knew this particular individual's behaviour. I didn't mind that he never liked the fact that I am not a hokkien-lang (hokkien clan). I couldn't care less with the knowledge that he disliked me because of my Christian faith (Oh, he did try to pass on some "bullet-proof" Buddhist charms to me which he claims can make me invulnerable to gun fire! Woohoo!). Unfortunately for me, I am not the type who will suck up to him or sweet talk my way through so that I can get into his good books. The treatment he gave me all these years... I took it in my stride. However, what transpired last week awaken my long sleeping demons; anger and grudge. When I found out on Thursday what his thoughts on me were, I was totally taken aback but I still manage to keep my cool. Such revelations can really hurt a person especially when it came from a person whom will be kin in the near future. The straw which broke the camel's back happened last Saturday noon. I went to his place to meet this individual who is very dear to me (who unfortunately stays with this asshole... for now). I was early and I didn't know the person whom I seek wasn't at home. So, I rang the bell a couple of times and out comes the asshole.

Me: Good afternoon uncle!
Asshole : ******* is not in! She's not in!
Me: I know, she's on the way back and she's almost here already...
Asshole : Ok ok...

And the asshole happily walked back into the house before I could utter another word. Leaving me standing under the 4pm hot sun for the next 15 minutes while I waited the return of my good friend. That really made my blood boil...

Now, here's a checklist;

He dislikes me for not being Hokkien ...
I can take it

He dislikes me for being a Catholic ...
I can still take it

He treats me like dirt most of the time while I am at his place ...
I can manage it.

He views me with disdain because of my profession ...
I can barely take it in... but still ok
He thinks I am a gold digger going after his assets...
This shook me a bit. I never thought he would view me as such even though I have known him for 7 fucking years and the fact that my family is much better off than his. However,I kept a lid on it and took it all in.

He can't even extend common courtesy to me and made me wait in the sun...
It may seem trivial, but that was really the fucking last straw.

If he was a friend of mine, I would have ended our friendship. If he was a client of mine, I will just cancel his policy and ask him to fuck himself. Unfortunately, circumstances made it as such I have to see his fucking face for the rest of my fucking life. Thanks asshole for this shit. If I have the opportunity, I would have said this to him;

Dear asshole, I wish you well and hope you change for the better soon. As far as I know, people like you tend to die a lonely death... since you would have pissed off your family and friends before you move on... Eh wait, what friends? I almost forgot that your definition of "friend" is "gold digger". Oh... my bad. Well, good luck to you and thanks for reawakening my friends "Anger" and "Grudge". The next time I beat them back into submission, I would have definitely become a better person. As for you, I can only look forward to see you die a slow, lonely and agonizing death. Cheers!

P.S: Pardon me for putting up such an entry this time. I really had to get it out of my system before I let Mr.Anger and Ms.Grudge overwhelm me.

2 comments:

Fatherz Chang said...

LOL. PMS Chan. Those were the days.

Malcolm said...

I got my parang ready! We are with you! LOL